Which “we”?

Fourteen distinct pronouns in one story, and what each one can and cannot carry

Every “we” in this work does different work. Some assign blame that cannot be discharged. Some describe an act that actually happened. One belongs to someone else and can only be received. The failure that matters is not using the wrong word — it is letting a pronoun that carries no obligation stand in for one that does.

The inventory

The eleven, and three that are missing

Filter by who may speak the pronoun, how a person becomes a member of it, and whether the obligation it carries can be enforced on anyone.

Two axes

The map

Horizontal: is membership a condition you were born into, or an act you performed alongside others? Vertical: could anyone actually be held to the obligation, on a date, by name? Select a point.

Select a point on the map.

The diagonal is the finding. Everything that has produced anything sits toward the upper right. Everything that produces paralysis sits in the lower left. Obligation attaches to acts, not to conditions.

And one point breaks the pattern, which makes it the target. Number 4 is the only pronoun whose membership is inherited but whose obligation is enforceable. A meeting did not choose to be a meeting that owns property, but it can be asked, can minute a decision, and can be held to it next month.

Side by side

Compare two

Seven pairings do most of the analytic work. Choose one, or build your own comparison below. Differing rows are shaded.

A working tool

Test a sentence

Paste a sentence you have written, say which “we” you actually meant, and see whether the sentence can carry it.

To state once and keep

The rule

One — on who may speak it

A “we” that includes Native people can only be spoken by a Native person first. It can be received. It cannot be assumed, and it is never a membership card.

Two — on obligation

A “we” that carries an obligation must be small enough that a named person can be held to it — which in practice means replacing it with I, with a date and a figure attached.

Three — on blame, amended

A “we” that assigns blame must be one you belong to — and must be paired, in the same passage, with a “we” that can act.

The amendment is necessary because pronoun 1 is one you belong to and cannot discharge. Guilt attaches and there is nothing to be done about it. So 1 must always arrive with 4 close behind, or it produces exactly what Sikowis Nobiss describes encountering in congregations: a cocktail of guilt combined with a desire for proximity, leading only to more inaction.

The single most useful habit. Whenever you write pronoun 5 — we settlers — try substituting pronoun 4 — we who are Friends today. If the sentence stops being true, it was probably accurate. If it stops being comfortable, it was probably a way of not being asked for anything.